


“Is that a banana in your pants or are you happy to see me?”

by Haikyuu_tings



Series: Haikyuu Dirty Boy x Boy Shots [47]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Basically it’s banana shit and then ohhhh I’m in love and then both are like letsssss fuck, Car Sex, Flirting, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Pick-Up Lines, They talk bullshit through out half this and in the end they fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:14:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25651189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haikyuu_tings/pseuds/Haikyuu_tings
Summary: Sex deprived Hanamaki Takahiro is at a bar with his two good friends, Iwaizumi Hajime and Oikawa Tooru. His body cannot stand the frustration anymore. Oikawa advised him to not use his cheesy pickup lines, however when he goes to talk to the raven at the bar, he is greeted with an unexpected joke.Something sparks between the two.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Series: Haikyuu Dirty Boy x Boy Shots [47]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649305
Comments: 14
Kudos: 312





	“Is that a banana in your pants or are you happy to see me?”

**Author's Note:**

> I love Matsukawa and Hanamaki with a passion that’s why I needed to write one about them. Tbh this a scenario that would happen because these two are helpless. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“I can’t deal with this anymore!” Hanamaki screamed, ruffling his hair up and bringing the palms of his hands to thoroughly rub the irritation out of his eyes. 

“Huh?” Oikawa raised an eyebrow, confused at his friend’s sudden outburst. 

“Sex! I want sex!” He whined, grabbing on to Oikawa’s arm to sob into. 

“Why don’t you hook up with a guy at the bar? There’s loads of hot guys.” With that comment Iwaizumi glares at him and the men around him. “Not as hot as you Iwa~!” He reassured, stroking the man’s defined bicep. 

“Like it’s that easy!” Hanamaki continued, smacking his head down on the wooden sticky surface, fake sobbing into his arms. 

Oikawa sighed, staring at the sex deprived man with disappointment. “Well you never try.” 

“I do!” He cried. 

“You go up to a random man and ask ‘is there’s banana in your pants or are you happy to see me’, is not flirting!” Oikawa exclaimed and Iwaizumi nodded in agreement. 

Hanamaki turned up his lips in a pout and crossed his arms like a toddler in a tantrum. “Well I think it’s funny.” 

“Of course you would, you don’t actually have a good sense of humour!” Iwaizumi joined, shaking his head and clicking his tongue in annoyance. 

“There’s a guy over there. Ask him if he’s alone. Not about the fucking banana.” Oikawa pointed to a tall muscular, black haired man who was leaning against the bar counter sipping from a cold pint of beer. “He looks like your type.” 

“Oh yes he does! What a fucking daddy?” 

“Refrain from saying daddy.” Iwaizumi warned. 

“I know. Jesus.” Hanamaki got up from his seat and grabbed his drink off the table, he marched over to the good looking raven with little to no confidence but he still proceeded. He was going to get dick tonight even if he ends up getting fucked in the park or in a public toilet; dick was dick. 

Hanamaki tapped gently on the man’s shoulder and waited for him to turn around. “Are you alone?” 

“Yes.” He simply answered, Hanamaki looked around in distress. Usually this is when he would use his shitty pick up lines. 

“Is that a banana in your pants or are you happy to see me?” 

Hanamaki stared at the man in both awe and confusion, ‘did he just use my favourite pick up line? Is this my soulmate?’

“Fuck I knew it wouldn’t work-“ 

“Is your name Ariel? Because I think we mermaid for each other.” Hanamaki replied with a goofy grin. 

“You sell hotdogs.” The unnamed man waited for Hanamaki’s ‘why’ before he continued. “Because you know how to make a wiener stand.” He finished. 

“I haven’t heard that one before. Hahaha!” Hanamaki laughed, holding his side to support the pain he received from laughing too much. “My name is Hanamaki Takahiro or you can call me yours.” He extended his hand out. 

“My name is Matsukawa Issei but you can call me daddy.” Matsukawa flirted, taking Hanamaki hand into his own and placing a soft kiss on his knuckles. 

“Kiss me if I’m wrong but dinosaurs still exist, right?” Hanamaki flirted back, a little smirk resting on his face. 

To much of his surprise, the taller man pressed his lips against his. The kiss didn’t last long but it lasted long enough for Hanamaki to feel weak at his knees.

“Let's replay the Titanic. You’ll be the ocean and I’ll go down on you.” Matsukawa whispered against his lips, making them quiver slightly.

“Nice pants…” Hanamaki planted his hand over Matsukawa's groin and squeezed it gently. “Can I test the zipper?” He replied back, not giving the other man the upper hand in this corny pick up line battle. 

“Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?” The blacked haired man travelled his hand up his chest, dancing his fingers up his torso till he felt one of his nipples. 

“Ngh.” Hanamaki groaned, he held his mouth and glared at the man, feeling a bit defeated.

“My magic watch says you don’t have any underwear on? Oh, you do? My clock must be 15 minutes fast.” He circled his hand around the man’s groin, adding light squeezes when necessary. 

“Wanna play TV? I’ll play with your knobs while you watch my antenna rise.” Matsukawa put his cold beer down on the counter and reached his other hand up his top, he twisted both of his nipples. The cold sensation of the tips of his fingers made Hanamaki quietly whimper. “Are you going to give up yet?” 

“Shall I compare thee to a summer day? You’re hot.” Hanamaki smirked at the man, raising an eyebrow in challenge. 

“You’re making me so horny.” Matsukawa breathed out eagerly, smashing the pink haired man against the counter and ambushing his lips with his own. “You win this time because you are so fucking hot but next time I will win.” He admitted his defeat, taking his hands out of his shirt and waving his arms in the air.

Hanamaki held onto the man’s collar as he whispered in his ear. “So there’s going to be a next time? Let’s see how well you can perform the titanic.” 

“My place or yours?” Matsukawa asked, his voice showing his desperation. 

“I don’t care where it is, just give me your cock.” Hanamaki rescinded with the same amount of want. 

“Car?”

“Sure! Let me just get my things and we can go.” Hanamaki rushes over to his friends, not even explaining his eagerness and rushing, he leaves them completely oblivious to the whole situation. Not giving them even a small detail of what happened between the two. 

-

As soon as they got in the car both of their clothes were thrown off and their lips never left each other’s mouths; the only time being when they took off their tops. 

“Jesus you are so sexy.” Matsukawa moaned against his lips as he dipped his tongue in his mouth, leaving no place in the pink haired man’s mouth untouched. 

“Ngh-oh my!” Hanamaki whined, feeling two cold fingers touch his deprived hole. “Be rough.” 

He inserted his two fingers in as he continued to kiss the man, he wiggled his fingers inside of his heat and brushed his fingers against his walls. Lightly he chuckled as he felt his insides shift around him, already common with the feeling of being stretched. Slowly he thrusted his fingers in deeper, he rubbed around his hole till he felt a soft bump. 

“Ngh-ah! Fuck!” Hanamaki moaned in glee, it’s been a long time since another man has touched his insides, just getting his prostate massages gave him enough satisfaction. But of course he yearned for more.

Matsukawa’s tongue travelled all over his torso, wherever his spit left a trail, little bite and suck marks were left behind. Hanamaki’s body was splitting from the overwhelming pleasure, he thought it was just going to be normal typical selfish sex, where the guy on top usually does everything for himself. This careful and tender way is making his body feel weak and not his own, his body feels as if it belongs to someone else. It was immaculate. 

“Your body is so sexy.” Matsukawa commented, rubbing his fingers up and down his torso in a teasing manner. Hanamaki held back a throat ripping moan as he felt another finger inside of his and the feeling of his delicate touch. The contrast made his body explode with confusion. 

“Are you going to fuck me or not?” 

“Well if you say it like that, how can I not?” 

In a hurry Matsukawa put on his condom, he lived up the pink haired man’s hole a little more so he could easily slide in. Then he kissed the tip of his cock against Hanamaki’s hole, he grunted at the wet feeling. 

“I missed this.” Hanamaki moaned in bliss as he felt the man push his head in. His eyes fluttered shut from the satisfactory sensation of being full, he has missed this more than he misses his own family. Everything about Matsukawa cock pressed against his walls and the quiet grunts that sounded from the man just made everything seem more pleasurable. 

“Jesus you are so tight.” Matsukawa groaned, he gripped the sides of Hanamaki’s hip to give himself support as he shoved the rest of him inside. A happy moan sounded from the man under him, he smirked to himself, he must’ve teased his prostate with the side of his cock.

Slowly Matsukawa started to move his hips, rocking them in and out of the pink haired man at a steady pace. Quiet, cute moans escaped from Hanamaki’s lips as he felt his insides stretch around him. 

“Mov-Move faster.” Hanamaki demanded through a choked moan. Matsukawa nodded at his demand and pulled out of him. “What ar-ah! Too har-hard! Oh-my fuck!” Hanamaki’s question is cut off by Matsukawa deep thrust inside him, his insides stirred from the sudden invasion. 

Matsukawa grasped both his pale thighs, he digs his fingers into the flesh as the pleasure built up inside him. Discreetly he flickered a glance over to the pink haired man, his eyes widen at the beautiful face he was making. His eyes were covered in tears, his cheek was a harsh pink and his lips were parted as incoherent praises sounded from them. 

“Y-Yo-u got-got bigger!” Hanamaki whined, his body was on the brink of collapse; this stranger was working wonders on his body. He will never forget this dick even when he’s old; this dick is amazing. 

“How can you be so fucking hot?” Matsukawa questioned but it sounded more like a complaint. 

He leaned down and pressed his lips roughly against his as his hips sped up. The only sounds in the car were skin on skin, the sloppy squelching sounds of lips touching and Hanamaki’s adorable moans. 

“I’m going to cum-cum!” Hanamaki announced, he kissed the man harder, his abdomen started to feel funny as he neared his release. 

“Ahh! Matsukawa!” He moaned out in his ear along with needy moans as he cummed on both their abdomens. “Than-Thank you! Your dick is a god!” 

“You just cummed without being touched, your hole is so lewd.” Matsukawa commented with a chuckle. 

“This is only the first round, don’t be getting tired now.” Matsukawa whispered in his ear, thrusting in and out of him at a teasing pace, he angled his cock to directly stimulate his prostate with every thrust. 

Before Hanamaki knew it, his dick was hard again and this time his body felt the pleasure double the amount. 

“Ahh-Ngh! Too-Too much!” 

“I love it when you moan.” Matsukawa chuckled, circling his fingers over his lips and forcing his mouth to open. He stuck his tongue inside his gaped mouth, he fought with his weak tongue. Little mewls and satisfied moans bubble out of Hanamaki. 

“I’m goi-no-heut-cumming!” 

“Already?” 

“I ca-too much!” He stammered out, his body twitched and spasmed as the next wave of pleasure rattled his body. “Ahh! I Jesus! Matsukawa!” He screamed, his dick twitched and his hole clenched tightly around his dick, he bucked his hips up. 

“You are seriously so sexy.” 

Hanamaki lost the amount of times he cummed that night but he knows for sure he won’t be walking tomorrow. And he knows he wants this guy's number. That is all that can circulate in his clouded mind right now. 

“N-Number. I want your-your number.” Hanamaki tossed him his phone with the contacts open.

“So there will be a next time?” Matsukawa asked, it came off flirty but it was more of a shock and maybe a tinge of joy.

“Next time you're eating me out.” 

“Sure… Wanna stay at my place?” Matsukawa asked, fiddling his fingers in nervousness . 

“Well I can’t walk home in this state, so...” Hanamaki answered, he smiled softly as he watched the reaction of the black haired man.

**Author's Note:**

> The amount of pickup lines I read making this has now made me an expert.


End file.
